Letting go of old self….

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning,

I looked at photos of old self,

All beautiful,

All sexy,

All woman!

I decided to say goodbye to my old self,

I lit a candle for my old self,

I had conversations with old self,

I told her goodbye my love,

It’s been good knowing you my friend,

I have to let you go now!

I need space for the new,

New!

Not old self,

Not familiar self,

New self,

You will always be part of me!

I love you and always will!

rachel

Advertisements

My Momma’s Dreams…. Deferred

My momma wanted no child at 23!

My momma had waited for the man who would marry her,

Then my dad came!

All gorgeous and sweet-tongued,

She forgot all her dreams!

And in the depths of the night, I entered her,

No matter what method she tried, I refused to die!

I refused to leave her womb!

Determined to share my gifts with the world,

I stayed!!!

First dream, deferred!!!

I should have been a doctor, her lifelong dream!

I had the brains for it, but not the gall for it!

I can’t stand the smell nor sight of blood!

So I became what I am, me!

Dream 2, deferred!!!

I should have been married at 23, like she wanted.

But I don’t understand marriage, I don’t do things I don’t understand.

I should have had kids by now,

But I just don’t have the desire to have kids, I don’t want any kids.

I should have introduced my boyfriend to her by now, but I cannot stand the judgement,

I know he will come up short! He is not “Christian” enough, he is divorced, he is not loving enough, the Holy Spirit doesn’t allow her to like him, he is wrong for me, I deserve better!

I chose him so he is good enough for me and I love him! That’s all that matters, at least to me.

Dreams deferred!!!

I am my mother’s deferred dreams.

And I am ok with that.

I know before I am a daughter, I am mine! Just mine! The rest comes after!

I am me!

I am not sorry for being a dream deferred!

Dreams deferred, yet again!!!

rachel

Love, I am 30

My real birthday is June 1st but my certificates says June 4th. My dad messed up the days between my sister and I. So today I am 30, officially!

I am grateful for love

I am love

I am surrounded by love,

I am swimming in the river of love.

I am unfazed by judgement,

I am not ashamed of the woman I am,

I am in love with me!

I am in love with my blue eyed man,

I am in love with life!

Judge me at your own risk,

I don’t harbor any hate towards you,

I only pray it makes you happy!

At least as much as I am!

rachel

Let Love In: Gentle Reminders

Allow yourself to be happy!

Allow yourself to feel happy!

Allow yourself to live in the happiness!

Allow yourself to fully love!

Allow yourself to receive love!

Allow yourself to give love!

Let your heart rest!

Do not be anxious!

You belong here!

You are enough!

You are more than your past!

You are more than the lies they told about you!

You are more than the heartbreaks!

You deserve this!!

Receive it,

You deserve it!

Live in this moment!

Allow God to show up,

Allow him to show you love!

You deserve this!

Be happy!

Be in love!

Let love in!

rachel