You Loved me Still…..

To know Love like this

So simple,

So free,

So comfortable,

So at home,

That’s the love I have known I deserve!

A flowing river,

A constant,

A love so complete!

Who was I to deserve this?

So bartered!

So bruised?

Ego smashed to pieces!

A self so fragile!

A lost self!

You loved me still!

A love not lost in the past!

A love in the present!

You loved me still?

I love you?

Thank you for loving me,…

I love you L….

Rachel

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This armor….. is just fear

All of this “no need”

Is a thick armor of shame,

Not enoughness,

Unworthy,

Fear

Fear of not being lovable,

Fear of vulnerability,

Fear of loving too much,

Fear of loss,

Fear of imperfection!

I wish I knew how to let you in,

I want to let you in!

Don’t stop knocking on that door,

Chisel the armor,

I will help

rachel

Gentle Reminders, you are home here

You are beautiful

You are in the flow

You are enough

You belong here

You belong here!

You are at home here!

You are right where you should be

You are love

You are have a trillion atoms cheering you on!

You are a thousand valves closing and opening at the precise moment, to keep you here!

The universe wants you here!

You are a thousand sunrises and moon!

You are home here!

You belong here!

rachel

PS: I got that from my lover, I am totes in love. I have learnt though that it’s so easy to get lost in love or in another person and expect them to give you what you can’t give yourself. That’s the quickest way to destroy your relationship! You can’t offer what you cannot give yourself!

Belonging starts with belonging to yourself!

My Momma’s Dreams…. Deferred

My momma wanted no child at 23!

My momma had waited for the man who would marry her,

Then my dad came!

All gorgeous and sweet-tongued,

She forgot all her dreams!

And in the depths of the night, I entered her,

No matter what method she tried, I refused to die!

I refused to leave her womb!

Determined to share my gifts with the world,

I stayed!!!

First dream, deferred!!!

I should have been a doctor, her lifelong dream!

I had the brains for it, but not the gall for it!

I can’t stand the smell nor sight of blood!

So I became what I am, me!

Dream 2, deferred!!!

I should have been married at 23, like she wanted.

But I don’t understand marriage, I don’t do things I don’t understand.

I should have had kids by now,

But I just don’t have the desire to have kids, I don’t want any kids.

I should have introduced my boyfriend to her by now, but I cannot stand the judgement,

I know he will come up short! He is not “Christian” enough, he is divorced, he is not loving enough, the Holy Spirit doesn’t allow her to like him, he is wrong for me, I deserve better!

I chose him so he is good enough for me and I love him! That’s all that matters, at least to me.

Dreams deferred!!!

I am my mother’s deferred dreams.

And I am ok with that.

I know before I am a daughter, I am mine! Just mine! The rest comes after!

I am me!

I am not sorry for being a dream deferred!

Dreams deferred, yet again!!!

rachel

No Labels Necessary….

Let me not be lose myself in you

Let me loose myself in me

Allow me to open the door for you,

I want you here,

But please….

Please my love don’t close all the windows,

Stay,

Close the door,

Add wood to the fire,

I like our house warm.

Just don’t close the windows,

I like the sunshine,

I love the fragrance of the flowers in our house.

I love our house,

I love our warmth,

I want to be here!

I want you here!

No labels necessary!

rachel

Love, I am 30

My real birthday is June 1st but my certificates says June 4th. My dad messed up the days between my sister and I. So today I am 30, officially!

I am grateful for love

I am love

I am surrounded by love,

I am swimming in the river of love.

I am unfazed by judgement,

I am not ashamed of the woman I am,

I am in love with me!

I am in love with my blue eyed man,

I am in love with life!

Judge me at your own risk,

I don’t harbor any hate towards you,

I only pray it makes you happy!

At least as much as I am!

rachel