Missing him

I tend to miss him like I my fragrances….

Sweet and soft

All over my body!

Sweet and

Knowing I will bath and you will be a distant memory

rachel

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On polygamy…

What do you call a relationship with a man with 9 children and 6 wives you know nothing about? You fall pregnant with your first born who unbeknownst to you is baby number 10, you are in a test while he decides whether you are worth the dowry….. all of this you don’t know. You believe all he tells you, ‘I will marry you, I love you and it’s just you and me’.

What happens to you when you realize he lied? What about the dream he sold you? Are you to blame? Do you continue the relationship??

This is a story of one of my step mothers, one of many. All of them have their own sob stories about my father, the polygamist. He was not an honest man when it came to his women, a lot of them were trapped by the lies to stay in the relationships. They stayed and I swore that will never be me!

Surely I am clever and not as stupid and dumb as them….. if only! The sins Of the father fall on the children, only if they are not cleansed and hidden. My father will always be my hero but I also know he was not a superhuman. He was after all just a man burdened with expectations and living a life taught to him by his parents.

I therefore choose to shine the light on the lies, all of them.

rachel

Stories of happiness

If buildings and streets could speak…

They would tell happy stories;

Story about the mother who works that corner to feed her children,

Story of the the family of 8 that stays in that 1 bedroom flat on the second floor,

Story of the lad who washes cars to afford drinks for his girlfriend later,

Story of the slay queen who comes here just to sleep and get dressed for wherever the party takes her tonight,

Story of the boy who steals the neighbor’s WiFi so they can pleasure themselves with pornhub and their hand,

Story of the young girl who endures the night snake from her uncle to afford school fees,

All stories are happy,

Maybe not the act,

But the hope of happiness is what makes the story worth it.

rachel

P.S: I took this photo in Nairobi, Kenya in 2015, it was my first solo trip and I too was looking for a happy story! That building and the street gave me a bit of that happiness.

The thing about love is that it’s an inside job

I met the love of of my love a few months ago,

I got lost in his and forgot me!

I forgot to feed my soul,

I forgot to tend my garden…

what a mistake that was!

It’s so easy to get caught in the feelings and forget self,

Reality is one needs to be selfish with self!

Feed self!

Love self!

Nurture self!

Tend to self!

You cannot offer what you are not!

Love is an expression of internal flow,

Create magic within,

And magic will appear externally!

Love self fiercely!

Love self fiercely!

Feed self!

Love self!

Only them can you love another!

Nothing can substitute self love,

Not even love from him!

rachel

Imperfectly Perfect Love

I love how he looks at me,

As if I am the only female in the whole space.

I love how he cares about my feelings,

I love how he honors my presence,

I love that he sees me!

Truly sees me!

I love him!

I love his sexy legs!

I love his green eyes!

I love his faith!

I love his tenderness!

I love his sexiness!

I love his soul!

It speaks the same language as my soul….

Most of all I am grateful he is here!

I am grateful he sees me!

I am grateful he loves me!

He is God’s perfection to me…

He is God’s love in human form for me!

I love you L….

Dear Anxiety, my old friend

It has been a while,

But like the rain, I knew you would come…

So let’s talk…

What’s troubling you?

You are uncertain, uncomfortable and not in control…

That’s normal.

If you could do anything different , what would you do?

Be in control!

That’s nice but I can’t offer you that.

What can you offer?

I can offer compassion and acknowledgment,

I can sit with you, like tonight.

I cannot offer you my whole life though,

You can steal small parts of it though,

Very small parts,

You can visit, briefly.

I promise to ease your discomfort, I will let you go!!

Breath by breath….

In…..

Out….

In…

Out…

Till we meet again old friend……

rachel