Lover

I am learning to write about love,

I know how to write hurt,

I know how to write heartache,

I know how to write disappointment,

I know how to write hate!

I am learning to write love.

I am learning to write happiness.

I am learning to write romance.

I am learning to write needing.

I am learning to write vulnerability.

I am learning to write handsome.

And it is all summed up in Us

I am learning to write about YOU!

My body is sitting here,

But my being is amongst the clouds,

My being is floating in the essence of your love

My heart is pumping blood,

But it’s not here,

It’s singing me love songs,

Songs of you my love

I am falling in love with you

❤️

rachel

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Prepare for Happiness

Ask for what you want

And be prepared to receive it,

Just as you would prepare for the rain when clouds gather,

Happiness needs you to be prepared,

It prevents you from drowning

rachel

My birthdays have always been a time of reflection. I am always left feeling like I have not done enough. This year however, I can safely say, I am happy! Truly I am, I feel blessed! I am blessed! I am totes in love and I am right where I should be!

There’s that unpreparedness for the happiness though! That anxious voice telling me what if I lose it all today? My default had always been to go back to the familiar,but today I am not. Not because I have any certainty of the future, I don’t. It’s because I know I belong here, I am happy here, I have all I need here! If tomorrow should start and I am not happy, that is ok too! Because the needs of tomorrow are already provided for tomorrow! So today I live and I accept the present!

Content!

On Honesty

I wanted so bad to love you! I didn’t love you, I wanted to love you! I fell in love with the idea of you, it was nothing you did. You just didn’t make my heart skip a beat. I didn’t even see you the day we met because you were just that insignificant.

It’s nothing you did or didn’t do, it’s time for me to be honest with myself. I think you are awesome, that’s true but you just not the one my heart longs for. I still like your smile, I like your sexy legs and I think you are the hottest but just not for me. Be awesome and stay cool, we just shouldn’t have happened that’s all.

Connections should be easy, not forced, just spontaneous. I think we all deserve that and I am letting you go so you find that connection. You deserve it, I deserve it too. Go forth and find your special connection.

rachel

I wrote this a while back but never sent it. I delayed the inevitable and ended up wasting both our times. That was also a lesson. Honesty may be brutal but it’s necessary.

Love is Self

Teach me your ways

Let me love you

I want to graduate in loving you

It will be my full time thesis

Finding new ways to love you as we both evolve

Teach me to love you

I want to know which feathers makes your soul smile

So I can get them and always tickle your soul

I am learning to love myself fiercely

Some days are perfect

Some days like today are ok

And that’s completely well with my soul

rachel

First Love

A house filled with so many memories. Some of my favorite childhood memories were in this house. Like my first boyfriend.

My boyfriend would visit me daily around 11, just to say hi. He didn’t care that I had not bathed yet, he just wanted to see me. At 2 he would come again, just to see me and we would take a walk and kiss, I used to live for his kisses! At 7 in the evening, he would be back again, to kiss me again. It was behind this house when I almost bit his tongue, it our first kiss after all, on June 20th 2003, I was 15. I loved him so much! I loved him with my whole being, ain’t it funny that I hadn’t really met myself nor fully loved myself?

He was waiting for me. I was going to give myself to him when I turned 21, so he only had to wait 6 years. I mean what is 6 years between true lovers? It broke my heart then when one day I discovered he had impregnated someone else……… I thought he was the one! I thought I could never get over the hurt! But I did…

He taught me to kiss, he taught me to love and he taught me not to trust. What is love without trust??

rachel

In 29 days I will be turning 30, so I decided to write something daily for my upcoming birthday. So this is one of them.

Stolen Words of Love

“What joy is joy, if Silvia be not by—

Unless it be to think that she is by

And feed upon the shadow of perfection?

Except I be by Silvia in the night,

There is no music in the nightingale.

Unless I look on Silvia in the day,

There is no day for me to look upon.

She is my essence, and I leave to be,

If I be not by her fair influence

Fostered, illumined, cherished, kept alive.”

One can always tell the color of a person’s soul through their writing, pity my lover hates reading. He will never know the color of mine.

I Love Shakespeare’s work and to date the above is my favorite quote. This morning it reminded me of my love. I miss my Silvia

rachel