Mourning lost friendships

It’s ok to let the greatest love of your life go,

It’s normal to grow apart,

It’s ok to want different things out of life,

It’s ok to let them go.

I am letting you go,

I am not bitter,

I don’t hate you,

I was hurt,

But not anymore!

I wish you well!!

This is the hardest break up,

But it’s necessary,

Goodbye lover.!

rachel

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On polygamy…

What do you call a relationship with a man with 9 children and 6 wives you know nothing about? You fall pregnant with your first born who unbeknownst to you is baby number 10, you are in a test while he decides whether you are worth the dowry….. all of this you don’t know. You believe all he tells you, ‘I will marry you, I love you and it’s just you and me’.

What happens to you when you realize he lied? What about the dream he sold you? Are you to blame? Do you continue the relationship??

This is a story of one of my step mothers, one of many. All of them have their own sob stories about my father, the polygamist. He was not an honest man when it came to his women, a lot of them were trapped by the lies to stay in the relationships. They stayed and I swore that will never be me!

Surely I am clever and not as stupid and dumb as them….. if only! The sins Of the father fall on the children, only if they are not cleansed and hidden. My father will always be my hero but I also know he was not a superhuman. He was after all just a man burdened with expectations and living a life taught to him by his parents.

I therefore choose to shine the light on the lies, all of them.

rachel

Stories of happiness

If buildings and streets could speak…

They would tell happy stories;

Story about the mother who works that corner to feed her children,

Story of the the family of 8 that stays in that 1 bedroom flat on the second floor,

Story of the lad who washes cars to afford drinks for his girlfriend later,

Story of the slay queen who comes here just to sleep and get dressed for wherever the party takes her tonight,

Story of the boy who steals the neighbor’s WiFi so they can pleasure themselves with pornhub and their hand,

Story of the young girl who endures the night snake from her uncle to afford school fees,

All stories are happy,

Maybe not the act,

But the hope of happiness is what makes the story worth it.

rachel

P.S: I took this photo in Nairobi, Kenya in 2015, it was my first solo trip and I too was looking for a happy story! That building and the street gave me a bit of that happiness.

Change is constant…

At the beginning of this year I would have never thought I will come to enjoy running so much. I enjoy it so much, I woke up at 6 in Bali and went for a run! It was glorious! The terrain was rough, it started raining, I met wonderful people, I got lost, and came back. I completed 6kms in 45mins, this is not my best time but it’s my time.

Running has taught me to have patience and respect my body. Some days my will is stronger and more willing than my body, and that is ok. It’s not always easy but the body rewards; in more stamina, more energy, less injuries and overall happiness .

I have also discovered that running is the easiest way of learning new places. I know the street names, I know the early morning rituals that are performed in temples and I have seen the city awaken.

I would suggest a holiday run to anyone, you won’t regret it

Rachel

The thing about love is that it’s an inside job

I met the love of of my love a few months ago,

I got lost in his and forgot me!

I forgot to feed my soul,

I forgot to tend my garden…

what a mistake that was!

It’s so easy to get caught in the feelings and forget self,

Reality is one needs to be selfish with self!

Feed self!

Love self!

Nurture self!

Tend to self!

You cannot offer what you are not!

Love is an expression of internal flow,

Create magic within,

And magic will appear externally!

Love self fiercely!

Love self fiercely!

Feed self!

Love self!

Only them can you love another!

Nothing can substitute self love,

Not even love from him!

rachel

You Loved me Still…..

To know Love like this

So simple,

So free,

So comfortable,

So at home,

That’s the love I have known I deserve!

A flowing river,

A constant,

A love so complete!

Who was I to deserve this?

So bartered!

So bruised?

Ego smashed to pieces!

A self so fragile!

A lost self!

You loved me still!

A love not lost in the past!

A love in the present!

You loved me still?

I love you?

Thank you for loving me,…

I love you L….

Rachel

At Home, we Eat

She yells “cut the head off!!”

This is our meat for the night,

Cutting heads, cleaning the intestines and removing the feathers off our meat,

We fry the intestines and gizzards on grandma’s old pan,

Grandma cooks the rest on her gas stove,

She cooks uphuthu nemfino,

The smell of oil and curry fills the kitchen!

It feels good to be home

rachel

PS: I am sorry if the picture offends you, receive my apology. I ain’t sorry I am writing this though!!!