Dear Ex Lover

Dear ex lover

You were never a lover, but for this poem you are.

Get up and go!

This body isn’t your church for you to cum and worship,

This body isn’t your chapel to cum and ask for forgiveness and speak in tongues, only to get out and sin again!

You can’t cum with your demons in this house, leave them in the street!

This is a holy place!

It is a temple!

My temple!

God’s temple!

Now,

Get up and go

rachel

30 before 30

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Angels are People tooo

I think judging comes from assuming “otherness”

I’ve recently noticed this with myself,

Suddenly I am better than,

Because I sat with my demons

When I see the old “other”

I had judged and stayed kept a distance,

Maintain the “other”

The truth is,

I am no angel

I am flawed

I am human

I am still learning

I am still healing

Even from the “otherness”

This is 28 before 30.

rachel

First Love

A house filled with so many memories. Some of my favorite childhood memories were in this house. Like my first boyfriend.

My boyfriend would visit me daily around 11, just to say hi. He didn’t care that I had not bathed yet, he just wanted to see me. At 2 he would come again, just to see me and we would take a walk and kiss, I used to live for his kisses! At 7 in the evening, he would be back again, to kiss me again. It was behind this house when I almost bit his tongue, it our first kiss after all, on June 20th 2003, I was 15. I loved him so much! I loved him with my whole being, ain’t it funny that I hadn’t really met myself nor fully loved myself?

He was waiting for me. I was going to give myself to him when I turned 21, so he only had to wait 6 years. I mean what is 6 years between true lovers? It broke my heart then when one day I discovered he had impregnated someone else……… I thought he was the one! I thought I could never get over the hurt! But I did…

He taught me to kiss, he taught me to love and he taught me not to trust. What is love without trust??

rachel

In 29 days I will be turning 30, so I decided to write something daily for my upcoming birthday. So this is one of them.

On Expectations

Just because I answer to female,

It don’t mean I must behave the way they taught you females behave

Just because I answer to Engineer,

It don’t mean I have to be the Engineer they taught you about

Just because I am black,

It don’t mean I am the black they told you about

Just because I am me,

Expect me to behave like me!

Expect me to be the female I am

Expect me to be the Engineer I know how to be!

Expect me to be the black I am!

Just because I am me,

Expect me to evolve!

Expect me to define and redefine who I am!

Allow me to introduce and reintroduce myself over and over as I find myself!

I am after all in the cycle and change is encouraged…. they say it’s the only constant!

rachel

Infinite Suns

Legend has it,

There is more than one sun…

There’s infinite number of suns!

I was late for work this morning but I had to stop and take this shot! I have become a bit obsessed with the sun, I just love it. I think it’s largely to do with my current evolution. I feel like I am exiting a phase, as if everything I have learnt and versions I have been were leading me here. Similar to the sunrise as it bids farewell to the moon… Odd,,, ever had a similar feeling?

rachel

An Ode to My Feet

I have hated you for so long

I remember the day I realized you weren’t conventionally beautiful

Barefoot swimming in the ocean with others,

Your length, shape and color was different

Something to be laughed at

Something to be hidden

Isn’t it funny how much ground we have covered

Isn’t it ironic how you have always been there for me

Even when I hated you, you loved me

Always there for me

You have grown in me

Acceptance became love

So dear feet,

I love you

Imperfect, true.

That’s why I love you,

You are just mine!!

Mine!

rachel