Prepare for Happiness

Ask for what you want

And be prepared to receive it,

Just as you would prepare for the rain when clouds gather,

Happiness needs you to be prepared,

It prevents you from drowning

rachel

My birthdays have always been a time of reflection. I am always left feeling like I have not done enough. This year however, I can safely say, I am happy! Truly I am, I feel blessed! I am blessed! I am totes in love and I am right where I should be!

There’s that unpreparedness for the happiness though! That anxious voice telling me what if I lose it all today? My default had always been to go back to the familiar,but today I am not. Not because I have any certainty of the future, I don’t. It’s because I know I belong here, I am happy here, I have all I need here! If tomorrow should start and I am not happy, that is ok too! Because the needs of tomorrow are already provided for tomorrow! So today I live and I accept the present!

Content!

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Dear Ex Lover

Dear ex lover

You were never a lover, but for this poem you are.

Get up and go!

This body isn’t your church for you to cum and worship,

This body isn’t your chapel to cum and ask for forgiveness and speak in tongues, only to get out and sin again!

You can’t cum with your demons in this house, leave them in the street!

This is a holy place!

It is a temple!

My temple!

God’s temple!

Now,

Get up and go

rachel

30 before 30

Angels are People tooo

I think judging comes from assuming “otherness”

I’ve recently noticed this with myself,

Suddenly I am better than,

Because I sat with my demons

When I see the old “other”

I had judged and stayed kept a distance,

Maintain the “other”

The truth is,

I am no angel

I am flawed

I am human

I am still learning

I am still healing

Even from the “otherness”

This is 28 before 30.

rachel

First Love

A house filled with so many memories. Some of my favorite childhood memories were in this house. Like my first boyfriend.

My boyfriend would visit me daily around 11, just to say hi. He didn’t care that I had not bathed yet, he just wanted to see me. At 2 he would come again, just to see me and we would take a walk and kiss, I used to live for his kisses! At 7 in the evening, he would be back again, to kiss me again. It was behind this house when I almost bit his tongue, it our first kiss after all, on June 20th 2003, I was 15. I loved him so much! I loved him with my whole being, ain’t it funny that I hadn’t really met myself nor fully loved myself?

He was waiting for me. I was going to give myself to him when I turned 21, so he only had to wait 6 years. I mean what is 6 years between true lovers? It broke my heart then when one day I discovered he had impregnated someone else……… I thought he was the one! I thought I could never get over the hurt! But I did…

He taught me to kiss, he taught me to love and he taught me not to trust. What is love without trust??

rachel

In 29 days I will be turning 30, so I decided to write something daily for my upcoming birthday. So this is one of them.

On Expectations

Just because I answer to female,

It don’t mean I must behave the way they taught you females behave

Just because I answer to Engineer,

It don’t mean I have to be the Engineer they taught you about

Just because I am black,

It don’t mean I am the black they told you about

Just because I am me,

Expect me to behave like me!

Expect me to be the female I am

Expect me to be the Engineer I know how to be!

Expect me to be the black I am!

Just because I am me,

Expect me to evolve!

Expect me to define and redefine who I am!

Allow me to introduce and reintroduce myself over and over as I find myself!

I am after all in the cycle and change is encouraged…. they say it’s the only constant!

rachel

Infinite Suns

Legend has it,

There is more than one sun…

There’s infinite number of suns!

I was late for work this morning but I had to stop and take this shot! I have become a bit obsessed with the sun, I just love it. I think it’s largely to do with my current evolution. I feel like I am exiting a phase, as if everything I have learnt and versions I have been were leading me here. Similar to the sunrise as it bids farewell to the moon… Odd,,, ever had a similar feeling?

rachel