Dear Ex Lover

Dear ex lover

You were never a lover, but for this poem you are.

Get up and go!

This body isn’t your church for you to cum and worship,

This body isn’t your chapel to cum and ask for forgiveness and speak in tongues, only to get out and sin again!

You can’t cum with your demons in this house, leave them in the street!

This is a holy place!

It is a temple!

My temple!

God’s temple!

Now,

Get up and go

rachel

30 before 30

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On Honesty

I wanted so bad to love you! I didn’t love you, I wanted to love you! I fell in love with the idea of you, it was nothing you did. You just didn’t make my heart skip a beat. I didn’t even see you the day we met because you were just that insignificant.

It’s nothing you did or didn’t do, it’s time for me to be honest with myself. I think you are awesome, that’s true but you just not the one my heart longs for. I still like your smile, I like your sexy legs and I think you are the hottest but just not for me. Be awesome and stay cool, we just shouldn’t have happened that’s all.

Connections should be easy, not forced, just spontaneous. I think we all deserve that and I am letting you go so you find that connection. You deserve it, I deserve it too. Go forth and find your special connection.

rachel

I wrote this a while back but never sent it. I delayed the inevitable and ended up wasting both our times. That was also a lesson. Honesty may be brutal but it’s necessary.

Love is Self

Teach me your ways

Let me love you

I want to graduate in loving you

It will be my full time thesis

Finding new ways to love you as we both evolve

Teach me to love you

I want to know which feathers makes your soul smile

So I can get them and always tickle your soul

I am learning to love myself fiercely

Some days are perfect

Some days like today are ok

And that’s completely well with my soul

rachel

Wear the Sundress, but Always Carry an Umbrella

I’ve been struggling to accept a delay in my studies. It’s always been so easy for me, so why is this not just happening as easily? Truth is, I don’t know. Maybe there’s a lesson to learn here or maybe I need to let it go, whatever it is, it’s really teaching me patience and surrender.

I am not going to stress about it no more. I am letting it go. It will happen that’s for sure, but obviously not before 30 as planned. Maybe that’s the lesson here, everything happens when it happens. Plan as much as you can but always carry an umbrella, just in case it rains. Also trust that the universe has got your back!

Rachel

27 before 30

Angels are People tooo

I think judging comes from assuming “otherness”

I’ve recently noticed this with myself,

Suddenly I am better than,

Because I sat with my demons

When I see the old “other”

I had judged and stayed kept a distance,

Maintain the “other”

The truth is,

I am no angel

I am flawed

I am human

I am still learning

I am still healing

Even from the “otherness”

This is 28 before 30.

rachel

First Love

A house filled with so many memories. Some of my favorite childhood memories were in this house. Like my first boyfriend.

My boyfriend would visit me daily around 11, just to say hi. He didn’t care that I had not bathed yet, he just wanted to see me. At 2 he would come again, just to see me and we would take a walk and kiss, I used to live for his kisses! At 7 in the evening, he would be back again, to kiss me again. It was behind this house when I almost bit his tongue, it our first kiss after all, on June 20th 2003, I was 15. I loved him so much! I loved him with my whole being, ain’t it funny that I hadn’t really met myself nor fully loved myself?

He was waiting for me. I was going to give myself to him when I turned 21, so he only had to wait 6 years. I mean what is 6 years between true lovers? It broke my heart then when one day I discovered he had impregnated someone else……… I thought he was the one! I thought I could never get over the hurt! But I did…

He taught me to kiss, he taught me to love and he taught me not to trust. What is love without trust??

rachel

In 29 days I will be turning 30, so I decided to write something daily for my upcoming birthday. So this is one of them.

On Expectations

Just because I answer to female,

It don’t mean I must behave the way they taught you females behave

Just because I answer to Engineer,

It don’t mean I have to be the Engineer they taught you about

Just because I am black,

It don’t mean I am the black they told you about

Just because I am me,

Expect me to behave like me!

Expect me to be the female I am

Expect me to be the Engineer I know how to be!

Expect me to be the black I am!

Just because I am me,

Expect me to evolve!

Expect me to define and redefine who I am!

Allow me to introduce and reintroduce myself over and over as I find myself!

I am after all in the cycle and change is encouraged…. they say it’s the only constant!

rachel