Relating

This is an odd one for me. Most people make friends quickly and easily but that has never been me, but you will not find me in alone at a party either. I am that girl laughing, sharing a joke and conversing with strangers. I have a lot of acquaintances but not so many friends, odd!!

When I turned 28 I asked myself who am I really? Why is my circle of friends small? I am talkative, extrovert and all round nice person, so why am I always by myself on weekends doing nothing? Then it dawned on me, I actually like it!!! Yep, I do!! No big reason I just like it….. I know I’ve said like a lot, one might think I am lying…

there are small reasons though. I am afraid of letting people into my real space. I am afraid of being vulnerable, being judged and labeled something I am probably not. I don’t really know why but I am like that. When I do allow a person into my space, I am like a penguin!!! I mate for life! Hurt me, I am there. Whatever you do, I am there. This hurts sometimes… A lot.

I don’t have all the answers but one thing I want to try for at least a month is to make real conversations at parties, at work, wherever. If a person asks me how I am, I will tell the truth. ” I am awesome! I am feeling lost! I am just enjoying the music! I am tired! I feel shitty!” All of it I am going to try and see how it goes. And if someone asks me to go to a party, concert or wherever  with them, I wont make up an excuse I will say yes!

So here’s to April of Yes!!! As I am posting this I feel it’s not ready to be posted here, but since this is the month of Yes, I have no choice but to post it.

Yes! Yes!

Rachel

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