She walks into my house, smelling of cheap perfume and vodka and asks me “Are you really happy?” I look at this once beautiful woman and wonder what went wrong. What made her decide to just let it all go and live the way she does.
I say this because she decided to leave her corporate nine to five to live her life! I dont understand what that is. Since then she has travelled, she has been with more guys than I can think, she is not rich but surviving, her face should have wrinkles cause she drinks so much but it looks like a baby’s bum. I think she did look happy even though I don’t know what that is.
When she asks me if I am really happy; I had to pause cause the question offended me a little. When she walked into my expensive house, with my expensive car parked outside she should have known that I am happy!!! Damn her!!! I have a job and an expensive perfume so surely I am happy!!! Damn her!! But wait!!!!
I have to wake up at 4 in the morning and I don’t get time to shag my boyfriend ( he lives far), I don’t really like what I am doing – I just do it for to be able to sustain my expensive car, house, perfume and other things. I guess when she asked me that question it had me questioning. What am I willing to sacrifice for the lifestyle I am living? What is happiness? Why am I here? I am not saying this cause I envy what she does or what she has done. It just got me thinking!
I am writing this entry in a meeting that I should be participating in ( for work) but can’t bring myself to it cause I am drained!!!!!!!!! I want to be happy and I am not sure how! As I meditate on this for a few weeks I hope I find strength to be brutally honest with myself. Speak my truth and follow my true North!!!!
As I wait…..