Learning to walk

I  am child born of love, my parents gave me all their love, they left none for each other. I was 2 I think when I learnt of my dad and the reason he wasn’t in my life. He and mommy were no longer together but he loved me dearly and it wasn’t his fault. I was only to comprehend all of theat when I was 7. Story for another day though…..

I remember the first time I learnt to walk! Odd as it may be… It was a sunny day, very hot and I was naked; only wearing a black panty. I can’t remember how old I was but I know everyone was pestering and encouraging me to walk. Maybe I was long overdue for walking! Whenever I would start crawling, my gran and uncles would encourage me to stand and call on me to stand and walk. This was done in song and finger clapping,as if they were giving my attempts a theme song.

I had wanted to do it for so long! I would try but fall, try to stand and fall. This however didn’t deter me from pursuing my goal of walking. I kept trying and trying until that one sunny day when I was playing in the dirt by myself that I decided to pull myself from the ground and try to stand like my uncles and gran. It wasn’t easy! Not the standing part, that was easy enough. The hard part was getting off the ground and maintaining my balance as I stand and walk. My gran was watching from afar, without my knowledge maybe if I knew I wouldn’t have done it to avoid disappointing her again.

So I stood up the first time, and fell flat on my bum. I stood up again aged fell back again, this happened a couple of times. Until finally I stood up, looked around and the air felt different. It felt powerful yet gentle as if it’s supporting me as I stand and doesn’t want me to fall. I took two steps forward and fell right back. But I had tasted freedom, and I wasn’t going to let a small thing such as falling stop me from getting more. When I stood up again, my uncle was by my side. He raised his arms ahead of me in assurance that he will catch me when I fell. He didnt catch me though cause I fell a couple of more times, the arms were merely an illusion. A promise that you won’t get hurt, you can do but you have to do it on your own. As if he was saying ” I am here if you need me but this is your fight, so fight”.

Fight I did, from that day onwards I’ve been fighting to stand up and walk! Some days it feels like I am being pulled back into the dirt but then I remember how hard I had to work to get here. Even though my uncle isn’t around to help me, in my walks I’ve made some great friends and acquaintances that are always here for me. They always remind that this journey is mine but they will not let me walk alone. Albeit I will have to invite them if necessary but they are here for me nonetheless! And for that I am grateful.

Gratitude

Rachel

 

 

 

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